I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
tell me about the eggs
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