i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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