I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
