I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
