Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
