Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
