Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
