I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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