I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
