hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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