She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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