Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
