My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
