if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
