I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
