omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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