just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
