I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
