You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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