He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
