Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
