i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
