You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
