Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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