This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
