$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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