I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i think my cat just said my name.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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