Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
