I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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