Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize