Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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