Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
