oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
