there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
