why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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