Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
