I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
