i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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