You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
