She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
