If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
