my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
