I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
