we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
