tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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