Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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