"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
