I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
