I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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