Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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