Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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