So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
