all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
third nipple confirmed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
