dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
