youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize