I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
where am i from again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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