life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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