Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
