That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
