I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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