you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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