I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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