wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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