Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
